A Brand New Journal

I love the day I open a brand new journal, its lined pages pristine. It always reminds me of Anne Shirley saying “Every day is fresh with no mistakes in it.” And yet I know the pages before me will be filled with mistakes. Not just words crossed out and misspellings, but bigger things. Like sin. And struggle. It can be a depressing thought instead of a jubilant one. So I always recall the comfort of Lamentations:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

How do I know this holds true? Because when I open I new journal (which ends up being every year or so) I take a few moments to pull down all the old ones out of the top of my closet. Scattered remembrances of the last twenty-five years of my life. I flip through the pages. Sometimes I read the journals all the way through. Sometimes I read a few pages here and there. But one page or one hundred doesn’t change the fact that those journals—once filled with blank pages, now filled with words from my pen—are tangible evidence of that very promise of God’s new mercies and His faithfulness. I see from where He has brought me and I anticipate where He will take me through the pages yet unwritten.

My newest journal waits just a few last pages transcribed into the old one. And then I will look back—and look forward. And I’ll begin again.

Do you journal? Do you write every day or as the mood strikes?

Looking Ahead

I kind of tried to ignore the turn of the calendar this year. That’s really not like me. I usually revel in the newness of January, the clean slate of a new year. But the thought of 2011 really threw me for a loop.

It’s not that I’m not excited about this coming year. There are some really great things happening. But those great things have some scary edges on them, too. Want some examples?

In 2011:

• My son—my oldest boy, my middle child—will graduate from high school. While this is a big yippee in our lives, the thought of him going off to college is bittersweet. He is the child that instinctively knows me. The one that senses when I need help and steps in. The calm one. The steady one. The one that kind of holds us all together. The thought of our home without him on a day-to-day basis is a bit scary.
• My first novel will be published. A huge praise and an exciting time, but also a terrifying thought. Besides bracing myself for bad (or tepid) reviews and sparsely attended booksignings, I must plan a book launch party—and every party I’ve ever planned has flopped! Seeing my name on a book cover is a dream come true, but the reality is that the new road of published author is definitely a walk of faith up a steep mountain.
• I have several trips on my calendar: a writing retreat, a research trip, the ACFW conference, and possibly another one. I’m thrilled at the thought of seeing old friends and making new ones, and the travel itself doesn’t make me as nervous as it used to, but I do worry about how being gone slices into my productivity, both in writing and in my home duties.

Those are my major things at the moment, on top of the normal tug of war between the feelings of anticipation and trepidation when considering what the days in a new year will bring.

What about you? Are there things you see coming in 2011 that incite both excitement and fear in you? Are you leaning more to one side than the other? Please share!